


Truths and Despair

by hajimeandthehinatas



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxious Saihara Shuichi, Bisexual Saihara Shuichi, Despair, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), Gay Oma Kokichi, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, M/M, Nervous Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, One-Sided Attraction, Ouma not Oma, Pining, Sad Oma Kokichi, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29057607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hajimeandthehinatas/pseuds/hajimeandthehinatas
Summary: !!SPOILERS FOR CHAP. ONE & TWO TRIALS!!Kokichi Ouma catches this so called “despair disease”. Why can’t he stop telling the truth?
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 119





	1. Conflicted

It had been a few days since Ryoma Hoshi was a victim of a murder that left them all speechless, and the perpetrator, Kirumi Tojo, was executed. That execution left them all broken, and a deafening silence filled the courtroom. She thought she was able to escape...

Monokuma decided that the so-called ‘despair disease’ would be a good motive for the killing to start up again after the second murder happened mere days ago. Someone’s eager...

Of course, Shuichi knew that dumb black and white bear was planning something. 

Even an Ultimate Detective like himself couldn’t figure out how the disease spread; surely Monokuma would’ve told them about it sooner, right? Well, now that he thought about it, maybe the dumb stuffed animal wouldn’t let anyone know. 

However, Shuichi figured that it was all a lie. The despair disease isn’t real, and Monokuma only made everyone believe it was. But that didn’t explain the symptoms everyone was experiencing. Tenko, unlike her usual self, was boy crazy. She kept swooning over any male she saw, and grew repulsed by any female. Gonta said that he wanted to ‘crush every bug he came into contact with’, and that theyre ‘repulsive creatures’. That isn’t Tenko or Gonta at *all*. As for Kokichi... Well...

But he had to stop thinking about that. 

Kokichi was in his care until further notice — or until the symptoms wore off — which could be weeks. How would a killing happen if they’re sick?

Miu was in charge of Tenko, despite her complains and demanding she have Keebo instead, but Keebo took the initiative to watch over Gonta. Truth be told, Keebo had no idea what to do in situations like this. He’s a robot, not a doctor, for God’s sake! He didn’t understand how the human body overcame diseases, let alone how to watch someone *with* one. 

Kokichi was scared. He couldn’t stop telling the truth. That was terrifying to him — especially since he was afraid he would burst out something he’d regret — like his secret organization or his feelings for the bluenette. He didn’t kill his parents. His organization doesn’t have ten thousand people in it. No one else had to know that, though. 

“Saihara,” the purplenette croaked out, sitting up in his bed as he held onto the cover that lay on his legs, “I’m... Scared.”

That’s not a lie, Shuichi reminded himself,  
sighing as he stood up from the chair he sat in, dusting off his striped pants. Kokichi couldn’t lie even if he wanted to. 

Puzzled, Shuichi sat on the edge of the bed, making Kokichi scoot over in response. 

“Rantaro... Kaede... Ryoma... Kirumi... I miss them,” the shorter boy spoke softly, violet eyes locking with the detective’s gray ones. “We’re never gonna see them again. I’m afraid. What if... What if I’m next? Or... You? I couldn’t live without you, Saihara.”

Those words, knowing they weren’t lies, gave Shuichi butterflies. God, is this really how Kokichi felt? 

He couldn’t be certain, not right now. Speaking discrepancies wasn’t unheard of when it came to Kokichi. But he is practically being forced to tell the truth all the time. It’s like... He can’t even form a lie. Maybe he *could*, but it wouldn’t be believable. To be honest, Shuichi didn’t entirely understand this disease. 

Why did three people catch it?

Monokuma had told them it was contagious and to be careful, but for some reason, Shuichi wasn’t worried about catching it. Rather, he just wanted to make sure his friends would be safe. 

“I...I couldn’t live without you either, Kokichi,” was all Shuichi said, making Kokichi shake his head furiously, humphing. He crossed his arms rather childishly before speaking again. 

“Do you mean that?” He asked hopefully, “I... For some reason, I doubt you. Do you love me, Saihara? Do you... Want to spend the rest of your life with me?” He hummed, beads of sweat falling from his forehead. Kokichi couldn’t control the words as they spilled out of his mouth, chewing on the inside of his cheek nervously. “Do you think you could ever fall in love with me?”

Letting out a shocked noise, Shuichi merely stared at Kokichi, practically gawking at him. He was at a loss for words, brows furrowing inwards as he tried to collect his thoughts. 

Almost as if he were doing a Hangman’s Gambit in his mind, Shuichi soon knew what to say. Since Kokichi couldn’t lie, maybe he should do the same. Ever since Kaede was executed, he hadn’t thought about much except how it was his fault, but Kokichi was on his mind an awful lot, too. Not just because of his repetitive lies that were somehow beautifully rendered, even on the spot, but there was something else about the purple haired liar that pulled Shuichi in. He was definitely an interesting character; he had mysteries about him that Shuichi wanted to solve, even if that was damn near impossible. 

“You know, Kokichi,” Shuichi smiled warmly, brushing a stray hair behind the supreme leader’s ear, “is it okay for me to call you Kokichi?” Before continuing, he looked out for a nod. The other boy quickly nodded, and Shuichi continued. “I’m telling you the truth when I say this, okay? At first, you were annoying. You were annoying, and yet, I couldn’t help myself from wanting to find out what I could do to be your friend.” 

Taken aback by that, the infected boy wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his arm, eyes brimming with tears. He didn’t speak, no, rather he examined the other’s face. He was developing a fever as his stomach churned in pain, making him groan in misery. ...Friend...

“Sick,” he finally muttered, and Shuichi quickly got the hint and grabbed the thermometer, holding open the small boy’s mouth and placing the thermometer under his tongue. After a moment, a white beeping sound was heard, and 102.4°F flashed on the pixelated screen. 

It was a low grade fever, but still a fever nonetheless. 

“You know, maybe if I got to know you better, Saihara, we could be lovers,” Kokichi spoke up despite how sick he felt suddenly, his face serious and stoic. “I mean, I’m certain we were lovers in a past life.”

Chuckling, Shuichi returned from the bathroom with a wet rag in his hand, folding it into a small rectangle. He moved the violet locks from the supreme leader’s forehead, gently placing the rag on the sweat covered area. 

“Yeah? You think so?” 

Kokichi felt so vulnerable. 

He didn’t want to keep blurting things out like this. What if... What if Shuichi thought he was weird? What if he was playing along so it wouldn’t be awkward? Why couldn’t he lie? Lying was what made him feel comfortable, like nothing could hurt him, and now it’s the one thing he physically cannot do. 

Kokichi stayed quiet for a moment, eyes lingering on the detective. 

“Are you taking advantage of my truth telling, Saihara? You tryna get the truth out of me?”

Is that really how Kokichi felt? Shit.

“What? No!” Shuichi protested, holding out his hands in defense. “I would never, ever take advantage of anyone!” He insisted. He paused for a moment, letting his hands droop to his side. “The thing is, Ouma, lying is your thing. I would never force you to be someone you’re not. Even though it pisses me off sometimes, that’s not something for me to change. So, sure, sometimes I wish you would tell the truth, but that wouldn’t be Ouma Kokichi, would it?”

Those words made Kokichi shoot up from the bed, the damp rag falling off his forehead. “I love you. I love you and I’m tired of pretending I don’t,” he rambled, stumbling to his feet and wrapping his arms around Shuichi’s small waist. “Saihara, do you love me too? You didn’t answer earlier; you went on some bullshit tangent that I couldn’t care less about.”

Maybe he was stalling, even Shuichi himself could see that. He didn’t want to answer.

He didn’t know *how* he felt. He was scared. Nervous of saying the wrong thing. 

Could he even say the wrong thing, though? If this was how Kokichi truly felt, what the hell was Shuichi supposed to do?!

Hesitantly, Shuichi let one of his hands rest atop of the purplenette’s head, to which he leant into. 

“You need to get back into bed,” the detective decided, guiding the other boy back to his bed, only to be pushed back. 

“Then tell me you love me too, Saihara! Tell me I’m not crazy for falling in love with you! I... I know we haven’t known each other all that long, but I really think we’re meant for each other. We balance each other out perfectly! I mean... A detective and his criminal! How amazing is that?!” Kokichi chuckled amongst himself, glaring a hole into the other. 

Taken aback, Shuichi merely gulped, his body shaking. Goddammit! 

Shuichi didn’t think that he would be accepting a love confession today, but honestly, they’re in the middle of a killing game! Loving someone during this seems forbidden — even if it isn’t. 

“You’re not crazy for falling in love with me,” Shuichi began, sighing before continuing. “But you are crazy for falling in love with me at a time like this. I mean, what if something happens to me? To you?”

“So you don’t love me?” Is all Kokichi said, eyes brimming with tears. “I knew it was fucking insane. I wish... God, I’m sorry! Forgive me, please...” 

The despair disease was sure taking a toll on Kokichi. He’s like a complete different person now, and not in the good way. Shuichi would prefer he would keep telling the truth if it meant he didn’t have to listen to the other boy feel sorry for himself. 

No, he shouldn’t think like that. He’s the one in charge of making sure Kokichi gets over this stupid illness alive. 

Does Shuichi love Kokichi?

They’re friends, right? 

Platonic love, surely. At the beginning, he was playing along, but now... It feels too real. 

“Ouma... I don’t know if I love you purely because I haven’t known you long enough,” Shuichi tried to justify his words, but doubted Kokichi would fall for it. 

“Whatever. I’m not stupid, I know exactly what you think of me. It’s obvious you loved Kaede from the second you met her. I get it, I get it.” With that, Kokichi laid back down in the bed, placing the rag back onto his forehead. “You don’t have to lie to me, Saihara. I know what everyone here thinks of me. They think I’m a nuisance, right? If I died, no one would care. Hell, what if I just killed myself? Would you care? Would the others care?”

“Ou-Ouma! Don’t think so negatively!” Shuichi stammered, gulping as he crouched down beside of the bed, staring at the supreme leader with confusion. “I... I didn't *love* Kaede. I was mesmerized by her beauty and talent, sure, but I wasn’t in love. Love is a complicated thing, you know.” Of course Kokichi knew that... “Maybe... If— no, when, we make it out of here, we can talk about this, kay?”

“No! I want to now.”

Stubborn as always... That much hadn’t changed.


	2. Do You Not Love Me, Shumai?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kokichi, along with the others, as if the disease was only supposed to last for three days, were suddenly no longer suffering from the sickness. 
> 
> Chapter Three death/trial spoilers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter focuses on chapter 3. i made it as vague as possible, though, since i didn’t wanna avert from the original plot of the story. don’t worry, you’ll get your saiouma angst 😁😁
> 
> there is also hinted saimatsu !! not a relationship, but shuichi’s feelings towards her!!

“No! I want to now!”

Stubborn as always, that much hadn’t changed. 

There was a time and place for everything, Shuichi thought, and now wasn’t a time to speak about their relationship. If Shuichi neglected the other boy for too long, his symptoms could worsen, and that was the last thing he wanted (even if Kokichi was getting on his last nerve). 

Rethinking over his options, Shuichi realized there were only two. Talk about their relationship or act like Kokichi wasn’t talking about something as sensitive as that. They’re being forced to kill each other — no way should they confess their undying love. At least, that’s how Shuichi viewed it. It was clear how Kokichi thought in that moment. 

Sighing, Shuichi let his grey eyes meet the violet ones before him, shaking his head as he saw the large, shit eating smile on the other boy’s face. 

“What, you thinking about how much you love me, Shumai? I’m doing the same, y’know! I’m always thinking about how much I love you.” The short boy cooed, cupping his own cheeks in his hands gleefully. 

“Kokichi,” the blue haired detective paused, rubbing at his temples with both his index fingers, “you don’t understand. I don’t know what to do. We shouldn’t be talking about this right now. Do you realize what situation we’re in?”

Puzzled, Kokichi lifted a brow. “Duh, Shumai. I realize what situation we’re in. That doesn’t take away from the fact I like you. Isn’t it obvious Chabashira likes Yumeno? Does the fact we’re in a life or death situation stop her? No.” He pointed out, crossing his arms and throughly analyzing the boy before him. “You’re not thinking about this in the same way I am.”

Of course Shuichi noticed how Tenko talked about and to Himiko, but now that Kokichi mentioned it, maybe she was in love with her... 

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Shuichi looked up at the violet boy through his eyelashes. He was right. Goddammit, he was right and he couldn’t shoot him down now. There was nothing else he could say to strain Kokichi from talking about their relationship. He couldn’t tell him he was right, though, then he wouldn’t leave him alone about it. 

“I’m not going to fight it anymore. You’re right, I’m sorry,” Shuichi began, and before Kokichi could open his mouth again, continued. “But that doesn’t take away from the fact I’d be heartbroken if you died, or if you killed someone.”

“Oh, my organization is against killing, anyway! That’s, like, the biggest rule. I’d never kill anyone. You don’t have to worry about me getting executed, Shoochi!”

That’s what Kokichi was the most terrified of. Confessing to Shuichi, sure, whatever. It was going to happen eventually. Talking about his secret organization, on the other hand, was his biggest fear. He didn’t want to spill the beans on what his organization actually was; if he did, he’d never forgive himself. Aside from not killing, they do specialize in vandalism, pranks and theft...and the biggest kicker was that there was only ten of them — including himself. 

The violet boy felt more sweat come from his forehead — was this a fever he couldn’t sweat out? — he wasn’t sure, but one thing he was sure of was that he could never live this down. The one thing he promised himself was that he wouldn’t tell a single soul what D.I.C.E truly was, and now even that was out the window. 

Not saying a word, Shuichi reached for the thermometer again, opening the sick boy’s mouth and placing it under his tongue. Kokichi tried to push away Shuichi’s hand, but he was far too weak to pull through. 

Kokichi couldn’t lie, so he was telling the truth about everything. 

From his organization, to Tenko, to his somewhat unrequited feelings... How did Shuichi even feel? He couldn’t put it into words, and even if he could, wouldn’t. 

102.4 °F... It wasn’t the worst, but it definitely wasn’t good. 

As thoughts ran through his mind like a marathon, Shuichi grabbed a medicine bottle from the side table and poured two out into his hand. He dropped them into the other’s hand, to which he looked at them quizzically. Before Kokichi knew it, a glass of water was handed to him. The sweat from the cup made him grimace, but since he decided to not be a pain in the ass, threw the pills in his mouth then took a small swig of the water. 

“Kokichi, if you want, I can leave you alone,” Shuichi blurted out without thinking, too overwhelmed at the moment to think of doing anything but locking himself in his room and collecting his thoughts about the situation; not to mention mentally preparing for the next murder that would inevitably happen soon enough. Investigating the bodies of his dead friends was becoming far too familiar to him. 

“But... I want you to stay. What if I cough up blood while you’re gone? I could die and, technically, wouldn’t you be the blackened?” Kokichi’s kinder tone didn’t fit the words he was spilling from his mouth, “Shumai would kill me! What if I told you I wanted you to kill me? Would you get freaked out? Would you leave?”

Sighing, Shuichi decided it would be best to leave it alone. 

The next morning, Kaito, begrudgingly, knocked on Kokichi’s door. He really didn’t want to watch after the gremlin, but Shuichi had been doing for far long enough. 

Taken aback, Shuichi stood up from the chair he was sat in, watching as Kokichi flinched in his sleep, gripping on the sheets as if his life depended on it, a small, nearly incoherent, groan escaping his lips. 

Dusting himself off, Shuichi soon reached the door, turning the handle and widening his eyes at who he saw. “Momota? What’re you doing here?”

“Good question. Wish I *wasn’t* here, but Maki Roll said you’ve been watching after Ouma too long and that I should take over while you go rest.”

Shuichi looked back at the peaceful Kokichi, tossing and turning in his sleep like a toddler. 

“Ah, I see,” was all the blue haired boy said, hugging himself lightly. “Guess I’ll leave him in your care, then...” He chuckled awkwardly, “but be careful. His truths are almost unbearable.”

Kaito practically bellowed at that, shoving Shuichi’s shoulder. “Oh, come on! Can’t be worse than his god awful lies.”

He had no idea...

With that, Shuichi left, not even bothering to look at Kokichi. He couldn’t stop thinking about what was said to him for the past two days. 

His word was true — he really wasn’t in love with Kaede — but more the outlook she had on life. She was optimistic, beautiful, talented... 

But for some reason, he couldn’t see himself with anyone but her. Why was that? He couldn’t wrap his mind around it... Would he have to force himself into a relationship with Kokichi? He wasn’t for sure, but that was the last thing he would want. They’d both be incredibly unhappy, perhaps one more than the other. 

With an exasperated grumble, Shuichi plopped himself onto his bed, burying his head into his two pillows. Not being around Kokichi felt wrong. Not wanting to be in a relationship with him felt wrong.

If Kirumi were here, she’d tell him exactly what to do and how to do it.

If Rantaro were here, he’d tell him that love is a complex feeling and give him relationship advice.

If Ryoma were here, he’d tell him that, in the end, love is useless and to get a cat instead. If only they could have cats here, he definitely would. 

Kaede... Lovely, beautiful Kaede... If she were, he’d be clinging to her like a lost puppy, following her every move and talking to her constantly. But... He knew she would give the best advice on his issue and help him overcome it.

Meanwhile, Kaito was trying his best to handle the truth telling Kokichi, but it was almost too much to handle. “You’re not as good as Saihara,” humphed the shorter purple haired boy, “he took amazing care of me. You look like you’re struggling. Momota is a bad nurse!”

“Dear god, stop yelling! Don’t call me a nurse, either!”

“You just did it, too! Nurse!”

Kaito blinked a few times, regaining his will to help, as if he had one in the first place. 

“I’m going to ignore that remark,” Kaito muttered as Kokichi sprung up in his bed, blanket draped over his shoulders like his cape. 

“I feel better now,” The smaller boy suddenly stated, his fever gone as the astronaut stared at him with disbelief. 

“Huh? How?” 

“Dunno. Check my temperature.”

And that’s exactly what Kaito did. Like an obedient puppy, Kokichi opened his mouth.

Sure enough, 98.2 flashed on the screen, and Kaito was baffled. “But... You were just... Sweating...and your fever was 102...”

“You know you can leave now, right?” A seemingly fine Kokichi chirped, his tone conflicting with the words. 

“Shut up. I have a bad feeling about—“

About that time, Miu and Keebo opened the door, silently apologizing for not knocking. Well, Keebo did. 

“Gokuhara are back to normal, but Chabashira isn’t. Is Ouma?” Keebo asked, peering his head into the room to see the two purple haired boys. “Oh! Momota, what’re you doing here? I thought Saihara was in charge of Ouma?” 

“Harukawa sent him to watch after me since Shumai had been here too long.” Kokichi muttered, analyzing his hand and neatly trimmed nails. “And I oh so loved having him here!” He spat, faux, innocent smile taking reign on his face. 

“He’s definitely back to normal. Fuckin’ asshole,” Miu scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

The day was normal, minus the fact there had been a double murder. Strangely enough, it was all thanks to Kokichi that they were able to get into Angie’s research lab, unsure of what they would even find in there. Clearly, they weren’t expecting to see effigies of their dead friends hung upside down with a dead body proportioned in the middle. 

The other body, Tenko, was in the seance circle. She was stabbed with a sickle — and what confused Shuichi the most was the fact Tenko willingly gave her body to do the seance, refusing to let Himiko do it. Perhaps it was the fact she was still under the influence of the despair disease while the others recovered, but she gave into the killer since they were a man. She wanted validation from men, purely because she couldn’t help it. She didn’t *want* to have attention from degenerate males. 

The class trial came to an end after what seemed like years, and the Ultimates were forced to say goodbye to not only Angie and Tenko, but Korekiyo, too.

The next morning, everything was back to normal. Or, as normal as everything could be in their cruel, unsubstantial situation. 

“Oh, come on! Being sick wasn’t even that bad, Gokuhara,” Kokichi groaned, leaning back against the wall, arms crossed as he looked up to the much taller entomologist.

“Gonta begs to differ! Gonta killed bugs even though he didn’t mean to! He would never kill bugs on purpose!”

Kokichi scoffed, his eyes lighting up when Shuichi entered the cafeteria. “Oooh, Shumai! Come talk to me since Gokuhara is getting on my nerves!”

Maki glared at the purple haired supreme leader, rolling her eyes. “Do you want to die? You’re being so loud, shut up.”

Kokichi paid no attention to the threat, merely looking at Maki for a second before returning his attention to a confused looking Shuichi. “Hm? Why do you look like that?”

Shuichi jumped, hand on his own face as he looked at Kokichi in confusion. “What— what do you mean?”

“I meaaaan, you look like you’ve just seen a damn ghost. Are you afraid to be around me after all the truths I told you about my organization? You know, how we... Um, kill people if they catch us stealing?” Kokichi bluffed, playing with his fingers cautiously.

Shuichi figured he should play along, but he didn’t. He merely nodded, pushing past the shorter boy and went to sit with Maki and Kaito.

Kokichi, still standing in the middle of the cafeteria, stared at the blue haired detective in shock and with a sense of betrayal burning a pit in his stomach. 

Kokichi didn’t leave his room again until he had free time that day, and even then, mainly kept to himself. He didn’t look at anyone, and if they looked at him, pretended like they weren’t even there. If he’s that much of a burden, why didn’t someone kill him already?!

Shuichi is probably telling everyone what Kokichi really said about how he felt about him, and even worse, the truth about DICE. 

But Shuichi isn’t that kind of person. He’s sweet, kind, usually pretty standoffish. Kokichi didn’t see what the detective would gain by being an asshole. 

As if thinking about him wasn’t enough, Shuichi noticed Kokichi in the distance, ignoring him and walking the opposite way. 

With tears brimming in the leader’s eyes, he stormed back into his dorm, slamming the door, which caused the Rantaro effigy he stole from Angie’s lab to nearly fall out of his ceiling. 

He wasn’t going to breakfast the next morning, nor was he going to talk to anyone, let alone Shuichi. 

It wasn’t his fault Shuichi liked Maki and Kaito more than him. But if that were the case, why did he volunteer to take care of him? Did he want to fish out truths from him? No, that can’t be the case. He didn’t even try to get him to say anything. Kokichi blurted everything on his own. 

So... Why the sudden change in attitude? 

Possibly to possibly, Kokichi just couldn’t figure it out. 

“With all due respect, Saihara Shuichi,” he muttered aloud, “fuck you.”  
-  
It was still free time, but Kokichi couldn’t bring himself to care as he pulled down his comforter, getting into the lackluster bed (it wasn’t as comfortable as it looked) and wrapped himself up like a burrito. He decided to sleep the rest of the day away, and that’s exactly what he did. 

All he could think of while he drifting off into a deep slumber was how Shuichi was beside of him at one point, taking care of him like an old man. Not only was it embarrassing looking back on it, but it was also...scary. If anymore questions surfaced, he was sure he couldn’t have been able to restrain himself from saying everything about himself. He lied to cover up those things, and no one had to know about them. His life before now was useless, and the only people who he cared about were in DICE. The people here are merely for entertainment in a life or death scenario. 

Maybe, with that in mind, is why he shouldn’t have trusted Shuichi. If DICE are the only ones who care about him and vice versa, what made him think he could have other people to depend on? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

With that, he fell into slumber. He had never went to bed this angry before...but there’s a first for everything. 

Monokuma’s morning announcement wasn’t enough for him to drag his sorry carcass out of bed. Although he knew he had to get up, Kokichi grabbed a pillow and shoved it over his face, faintly screaming into it. It was more like a grunt if anything, but he was far too exhausted to actually take the effort and yell like that. 

Even though he said he wasn’t going to breakfast, Kokichi decided he should just to ruin everyone’s day by letting them know he was still alive. That would ruin his day, too, if he was one of them. 

Begrudgingly, he got out of bed, tying his scarf around his neck with a deep sigh. 

On his way, though, Miu stepped in front of him so he couldn’t go any further.

“Hey Cockitchy! Did you know Pooichi is looking for you?”

Those words made his heart sink into his stomach, eyes wide. 

“Shut up, you fuckin’ cum dumpster. Not in the mood for your bullshit.”

“C-Cum-! Never mind. I’m not fucking with you. He’s in his research lab. Go find him, or don’t. I don’t really give a shit.” Miu shrugged, “and stop staring at my tits!”

“I literally wasn’t. That’s just how tall I am. I’m literally almost eye-level with your stupid boobs.”

“More like how short you are! If your dick is as short as you—“

“Shut the fuck up. I’m leaving.”

While Miu kept boasting about herself, Kokichi simply walked around her, rolling his eyes at how annoying she was. God, how did Keebo handle her all the time? 

He wasn’t sure, but he also wasn’t sure whether or not to go find Shuichi. To be honest, his expectations weren’t high, in fact, they were extremely low. He was probably going to get reprimanded for something he forgot he even did. 

Without even realizing it, his feet lead him in the direction of the Ultimate Detective’s research lab. He didn’t want to, but something was telling him to. Not his intuition, that’s for sure. 

As he walked down to the lab, Kokichi stuffed his hands in his pants, glancing at the walls he’d seen what seemed like a million times already. His footsteps echoed through hallway, gulping as he felt his heart pick up in his stomach. He was nervous, his palms already becoming clammy as he still reside in his pockets. 

Cautiously, he stopped in front of the Ultimate Detective’s lab, pulling one of his damp hands out of his pocket, hesitantly knocking on the dark door. After a few moments, Shuichi opened the door, moving aside so the leader could enter. 

“You can sit in one of the chairs over there if you wanna,” Shuichi smiled lightly, nodding to the chairs in front of a large fireplace. 

“Why? Are you gonna interrogate me, Mr. Detective?” Kokichi had a feeling he shouldn’t be joking right now, since he didn’t know what wavelength they were even on. 

“If I were going to interrogate you, I promise I promise I wouldn’t basically be telling you to make yourself comfortable.”

“Whatever. Why did you want me to come here, anyway? I thought you hated me,” the purpled haired boy murmured, walking over to the chairs and plopping down into one, crossing his legs underneath him and holding onto his kneecaps. “Are you gonna confess your love for me? Or would that be too convenient? Too similar to what I did against my will?” His tone was accidentally harsh, eyes scanning the other boy as he stood frozen in front of the door. He opened his mouth, brows furrowed inwards. 

“That’s actually why I brought you here. N-Not to confess to you! But I feel like we should talk about... Us... While you’re not in a vulnerable situation.”

“Vulnerable situation?”

Shuichi merely nodded. “Mhm. I mean, you were being forced to tell the truth. I don’t want you to be forced.”

Kokichi scoffed, “okay, Mr. Detective. I’ll just lie to you anyway. Don’t detectives force the truth out of criminals? Isn’t that, like, what they do?”

Shuichi opened his mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come out. He only made an awkward noise in response, mentally slapping himself for that. 

“...But that doesn’t explain why you pushed past me to sit next to Momota and Harukawa at breakfast the other day. I cried after that, by the way. Not lying.” He hummed, leaning back in the silky chair. It was definitely comfortable, but not the most comfortable chair he’d ever sat in. If he told Shuichi he had a throne with riches growing a pile by each of its sides, would he believe him? *That* would be a comfortable chair. 

He was still extremely upset with Shuichi, and he was sure his body language displayed that — he turned a shoulder when the other boy sat in the opposing chair, glaring him down. He felt like a petty teenage girl holding a grudge, but he couldn’t help it. He felt betrayed; he didn’t even want to be here anyway, but he felt obliged to come. He couldn’t explain why, or what, wanted to make him come here. 

“Ah, so you’re upset about that? I mean, of course you would be,” Shuichi laughed amongst himself, hands placed neatly in his lap. “To be honest, I didn’t mean to push you like that. I meant for it to be a gentle shoulder push, but I guess even a gentle push is still quite rude...” The blue haired boy pondered for a moment, “but I’m sorry. I was flustered, really. I didn’t want you to bring up the fact you confessed to me, because then the attention would be on me. I felt like I had to get out of that situation as quickly as possible. So... It’s not a good excuse nor reason, but that’s why I did what I did yesterday. I don’t like when attention is on me, but I’m getting a little bit better. The trials, albeit horrible, help me get some confidence, especially when I’m not wrong.” He giggled at his own words, corners of his eyes scrunching up. 

Kokichi thought that was the cutest thing he had ever seen, but decided to keep that to himself.

“I guess I should explain why I didn’t want the attention on me? You see, Ou-Kokichi,” Shuichi smiled when he saw those violet eyes light up with joy, “if you told the others that you confessed to me, they’d attack me with questions. I wasn’t prepared for that, so... I would’ve had a panic attack. I know it’s silly, but even small things like that overwhelm me. I have to be prepared to be bombarded with questions before it actually happens...you know?”

“I get it,” Kokichi nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “You talk a lot when you’re in the spotlight, you know? You kinda repeated yourself, too.” Was that too rude? Kokichi didn’t know...but judging by the chuckle Shuichi let out, he assumed not. “But enough with the sappy apology! Why the fuck am I here? I still haven’t been told.”

“Oh, right. I was thinking about what you said a lot, so much so that I started to wonder if I could see myself with you. And I know I told you I wasn’t in love with her, and I swear to god I’m not, it’s just...”

“It’s Akamatsu, isn’t it?” Kokichi mumbled, staring at the floor and rubbing under his nose. “That’s okay, I get it. The only thing is, how would you be with her?”

“That’s the problem. I cant. I think I need someone to prove to me that I can still be with someone, despite only seeing myself with her.” Shuichi explained. He felt vulnerable. He didn’t like spilling his feelings like this... Is that how Kokichi felt? “She was everything I ever wanted. I didn’t realize it then, but now... I do. I understand that, in the end, I need someone to talk with me. I need someone to ease me into a relationship, not have one right off the bat... You know what I mean?” He sniffled, holding back the urge to let those dreaded tears fall down his cheeks. 

Kokichi paused for a second before nodding slowly, carefully. “Shumai, you don’t have to explain yourself. Why are you trying to explain yourself? I’m  
not mad, and don’t you dare cry,” he sat up, pulling the chair he was sitting in even closer to the detective, hands on his cheeks after sitting back down. “You’re valid, okay? Your feelings are waaay valid. If you want that, tell me and we can work something out.”

“Kokichi, I think... I think I want to try to have a relationship with you. Just... Don’t die, okay? Please?” Shuichi hummed, resting his forehead against the supreme leader’s as a tear fell from his cheek and onto his pants.

“I won’t die, Shuichi. We’ll get outta here together, okay? That isn’t a lie, either. We’re gonna get out of here and adopt three cats,” Kokichi paused, “or is three too many?”

Shuichi let out a forced laugh, wiping under his eyes. “Three is perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for following the progression of this story! although it was only two chapters, i feel like i got a lot accomplished teehee 😁 i tried my best to make up my own version of the despair disease. i wanted to have my own twist on it, though, like tenko being boy crazy and gonta killing bugs. i think we can all agree that kokichi would have the truth disease, though.  
> i tried to incorporate tenko still having the disease into her death, even though i’m not sure if i like how it turned out...
> 
> anyway! thank you all so much again! 
> 
> i hope at least one person recognized the panic! at the disco reference i sprinkled in there — i know brendon urie is cancelled but i couldn’t help myself 😫
> 
> (friendly reminder that i take requests until further notice!)
> 
> until next time!


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